jump-shot potato-head

I've been spending a lot of time in my junk e-mail folder lately. Not because important e-mails are being mis-routed there, but because my junk mail has been taking on a haiku-like gracefulness of late.

I still get the occasional plea to help a deposed Nigerian prince, and offers for various things that will Increase Her Pleasure. But my recent spam's names and subject lines have a ticklish quality to them:

From: Maddox J. Simeon
Subject: truthfully niggling

From: Nguyen T. Carol
Subject: gingerbread left-hand

Maddox J. Simeon? That's positively Dickensian. And didn't Frank Zappa have an album called "Gingerbread Left-Hand"?

Some more:

From: Ada D. Daniels
Subject: Rosh Hashanah cast-iron

From: Nell E. Foley
Subject: crematoria patchwork

From: Dempsey U. Ferdinand
Subject: nincompoop goof-off

The London-based anti-spam group Spamhaus has identified the world's most prolific spammer, a shadowy figure in the Ukraine who calls himself Alex Polyakov. (Yes, that's the name of the Soviet spymaster in Le Carre's Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy). Polyakov, obviously wanted by numerous law enforcement agencies, has surfaced only once: When an anti-spam program written by a programmer named Darren Brothers interfered with Polykov's business last year, he phoned his nemesis. Brothers taped the conversation, in which Polyakov said, "You're killing my business! How much do I have to pay you?"

How much do I have to pay you to turn out for hoops at St. John's tomorrow? Remember when you were 25 and it took more than a foot of snow to keep you away from the gym? Why should it be any different now? Get up early, hit the road, and be there for tip-off at 8:00.

Please let me know if you will or will not be playing.