Upper bracket

We all have different definitions of affluence. When I was a boy I would stay with my cousins from time to time. They lived on a golf course and had a fancy riding lawnmower, which 30 years ago a boy might have interpreted as signs of wealth. They also had a pool table and a television with a remote control. My uncle always drove a Cadillac.

What made the biggest impression on me, though, was what was in my cousins' freezer: A 20-pound bag of hot dogs. And they had a microwave, also a novelty to me, which meant that any time you wanted—and I wanted at least two or three times a day—you could have a couple hot dogs for a snack. Didn't even need to ask. That, to me, was living the high life.

Thoreau wrote, "That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest." In retrospect, I believe what wealth my cousins enjoyed was due to my uncle trading in black-market gasoline. The last time anyone saw him he was driving a delivery truck. He probably misses his Caddies, but I still love hot dogs.

Right up there with hot dogs in Yaeger's Hierarchy of Needs: Easy access to a swell gym. Please let me know if you will or will not be playing hoops at St. John's this weekend. We tip off at 8:00 a.m. Saturday, as usual.

Bread and circuses

We have physicians, preachers, roofers, and teachers on our mailing list, but I don't recall offhand if we have any economists. We might well. If so, perhaps one of them can chime in regarding the so-called "stimulus package." (And thanks in advance, Keekley, for the inevitable reply about stimulating your package.)

It seems to this layperson that the current "economic crisis" is largely related to three phenomena:

1. The high price of energy is making everything a little more expensive.
2. People are carrying too much personal debt and thus either spending less or putting more money toward servicing that debt.
3. Homeowners can't continue borrowing against the equity in their homes, either because they are maxed out or because lenders are tightening up.

So: How will giving people a one-time "windfall" ($600 and up depending on income and other factors) with instructions to buy a new TV or a set of tires alter the dynamics above? It may—may—give retailers some transitory relief, but then what?

If at least some of the "crisis" is due to consumers being over-extended, is it reasonable to expect some of the rebate money will be spent merely on paying down debt, thus providing no stimulus? If so, how much?

Won't much of the money that is spent go for clothes, electronics, and other goods made abroad, largely stimulating other countries' economies more than our own?

Since the rebates are coming with implicit directions to go forth and spend, wouldn't it be even more effective to give the money directly to Wal-Mart, Home Depot, Chili's, et al.? Why or why not?

Don't get me wrong. When it comes to game shows and lottery payouts I'm definitely an I'll-take-the-cash kind of guy. But I resent the implication that comes with this proposed rebate, namely that I, we, "consumers" are somehow partly to blame for the current softening in the economy because we haven't been spending enough. And that we are somehow too stupid to see the rebate for the shameless, short-term political ploy that it is.

On to important issues: Please let me know if you will or will not be playing hoops at St. John's this week. We tip off at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow, as usual.

If this is nothing I'll take some more

"They're ranked number nine," the dad said. He and his boy were hustling down the sidewalk as we left The Barn.

"What are we?" asked the boy.

"Us? We're nothing," said the dad as they drifted out of earshot.

Well, not nothing. The Golden Gophers had just taken #9 Indiana to the wire, after all. While our squad is unranked anyone can see they are roughly 4,000 percent better than last year's team.

But the Gophers haven't won an NCAA tournament game since 1997. (I'll pause a moment to let that sink in.) Last year they posted the worst record in school history. So dad's nihilistic attitude can perhaps be forgiven.

Yet it's impossible to overstate how different the Gophers look this year. Every aspect of their game is improved—dramatically. And these are the same players as last year! It goes to show you how much can be taught.

And there's never been a more tactically interesting Gophers team, at least in my memory. Many of Clem's teams were, to be charitable, emotionally interesting. Monson's teams reflected him: confused, unprepared, overwhelmed. Tubby's team is focused, crisp—and smart. When is the last time you felt like the Gophers players knew exactly where they were supposed to be and what they were supposed to be doing? (Cough Townsend Orr cough!)

When Tubby went to the subs and then threw that 2-3 on Indiana last night it was genuinely unexpected. It seemed novel, even, as if we've never seen anything quite so brilliant as a 2-3 zone. But the timing was perfect, and it took Indiana several possessions to get re-oriented.

When I watch Tubby on the sideline I think of what Willy the airplane mechanic memorably said to Fletch: "Yeah, he don't say nothing. He just gives him that look." I still can't quite believe he's stalking the sidelines at The Barn. As Fletch replied to Willy, "Well, sure, he's the boss." Nothing, indeed. Phft!

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Please let me know if you'll be playing hoops at St. John's tomorrow. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual.

There will be blood

Iowa smiled and listened politely

On the Iowa caucuses:

[T]here they were, under seige from the polarizing forces of weirdness, forced to endure months of angry rhetoric about issues that just don't feel normal, in Iowa or anywhere else. How strange it all must have sounded down there. Mister Candidate: If a transgendered Mormon Hispanic stem cell entered the country illegally and bought a house in Altoona with a sub-prime mortgage, should Congress enact a law raising taxes to bail that stem cell out, and requiring it to speak English, and go to war with Iran? And if you were elected president, would you sign such a law?

Listen to the full commentary. Hilarious.

Tomorrow we caucus at St. John's, 8:00 a.m. White shirts on this side of the room, dark shirts on that side. No sandwiches. Let me know if you will or will not be there.

(Aside to parents: Did Rudy's finish remind anyone else of the line from Sandra Boynton's One, Two, Three? "Six is fine for a running race / Except for the one who gets sixth place!")