Eight Men Out

With numbers sagging slightly, a variety of ideas have been proffered for goosing attendance on Saturday mornings. My favorite: The Eighth Man Award.

Each week during warm-ups, all eyes are on the gym door. When the first three or four or seven guys on the court hear the outer door squeak, they reflexively turn their heads to see who's arrived.

Now being that all-important eighth body will actually earn you something more than the gratitude of your teammates: A Caribou Coffee gift card. Be the eighth man through the door this or any coming Saturday and you will win cold, hard 'Bou bucks.

It is shameless and pathetic. Akin to buying your vote, really. And I absolutely expect it to work. Let me know if you will or will not be there this Saturday. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual.

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Hard to believe, but it's been eight years since I first shared the most eloquent case for voting I'd ever heard, a commentary on WCAL. I was so impressed I contacted the author and asked permission to reproduce it in the weekly hoops email.

As I do every few years when Election Day draws near, I reproduce it again and summarize it thus: If you don't vote, you're a moron.

Lapped

The wheels came off this week. Well, technically it was just one wheel. And fortunately I was merging into traffic and hadn't gotten up to speed. My 1996 Galant skidded off the freeway and over the shoulder, stopping just short of a light pole. When the tow truck operator lifted the crippled sedan off the ground transmission fluid poured from some unseen wound.

"Where to?" he asked.

"Let's take it to the Honda dealer," I said. We parked the Galant on a back lot and I drove off in a new Civic. I'm not much of a comparison shopper. It was a smooth transaction.

In the last month reported, Honda was the only automaker that didn't see a drop in sales. Meanwhile, General Motors' stock is at a 58-year low. The country's largest Chevy dealer just closed all 13 of its stores. And J.D. Power warns the entire auto market may "collapse" in 2009.

What's wrong with Detroit? Paul Bard notes the retro-styled 2009 Dodge Challenger is available with the following engines:

• 250-horsepower, 3.5-liter High-Output SOHC V6
• 372-horsepower, 5.7-liter (VVT) HEMI V8 with Multi-Displacement System
• 376-horsepower, 5.7-liter (VVT) HEMI V8 with 6-speed manual
• 425-horsepower, 6.1-liter HEMI SRT V8

Do you really need that much horsepower? Yes, you do. Because the damn thing weighs 4,000 pounds.

Meanwhile, consider the sharp-looking Dodge Demon concept car, which made the rounds of the auto show circuit last year. Think Mazda Miata or Pontiac Solstice, but with a Viper-like front end. This car weighs 1,400 pounds less than the Challenger, would cost less and would get better mileage. “Awesome,” you say. “When can I get one?”

How about never? Searching the Chrysler website for “Dodge Demon” retrieves only Sorry. We couldn't find what you were looking for. No kidding.

Our IRA statement came the same day we bought the new car. HMC paid a nice dividend. Again.

Playing hoops at St. John's also pays dividends, in fitness and overall well-being. We tip off tomorrow at 8:00 a.m., as usual. Let me know if you will or will not be there.

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Reminder: Share your thoughts on getting a sitter to watch the kids at hoops.

A modest proposal

A brilliant idea proposed by Dan Haase: Hire a qualified sitter to corral the kids while we play. Dan speculates that family scheduling conflicts -- or maybe the guilt you feel as you head out to play ball for two hours, leaving her with the kids -- is holding down attendance.

How about it: Would you chip in a few bucks to have someone watch the kids and organize play for them while we do our thing? Let me know via this simple survey.

Please also let me know if you will or will not be playing tomorrow. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual.