Upwards of 20g

My good friend Uncle Manhattan edits a little section of Popular Science that every month instructs curious single men on how to void the warranties on their favorite gadgets. As much as we would like to contribute more directly to his efforts, the best some of the curious married men in his circle can do is forward him inspiration from web pages like this: www.gutterslide.com/boomboxpc.

I'm fascinated by guys (no offense, but just show me the gals) who turn old Macintoshes into aquariums and drop Cadillac V-8 engines into Chevettes and such. What fascinates me is not that they can do these things at all -- heck, if I leave him unattended by the grill supplies my two-year-old can turn a Fisher Price bubble mower into a self-propelled rolling flame-thrower -- but that they find the *time* to do them. That's the true blending of art and science: altering the space-time continuum such that your efforts to construct a life-sized replica of a medieval catapult or a glowing Tron costume interfere with neither your job nor your family life.

We all have our distractions, I suppose, and they interfere or don't just to the degree our employers or spouses or pets are inclined to let them. One of mine is a compulsion to Google interesting snippets of text out of context to see what results. If you're curious, the phrase "upwards of 20g" delivers on a single page information about the Touchscreen BoomboxPC (natch), counting the carbs in sugar alcohols, the high cost of college tuition, postal rates in Ireland, and an assortment of products that include "20g" in their model numbers.

Thinking about these things, I remember that a couple years ago I looked into buying the domain name stjohnshoops.com, but it was taken. The registration has lapsed and it's available again, but I just can't pull the trigger. I think we can all see where that would lead. [Ed note: I wrote that in May 2004. In fact, we now can see where it led.]

Please allow me to lead you to hoops tonight, however. We tip off at 6:30 p.m. sharp at your favorite little St. Paul gym. Please let me know if you will or will not be there. I'm bringing my 1/30th scale model of the court to show off. Wait 'til you see the little papier-mache Ian.

Last week's attendance: 9

It's Morning in Minnesota

Would you look outside? Just look at that sun! And the air. So cool, so fresh.

Hey, happy birthday, K.G.!

Wally, your hair looks fanTAStic.

Boy, this coffee tastes good.

Hey, look at the calendar. It's May 19 -- Kevin Garnett Day. Thanks, Governor Pawlenty!

Hm, here's an interesting item from today's paper. It says 20 of the 22 votes cast in the Sporting News NBA player of the year balloting were for Kevin Garnett. I guess those other two guys are relatives of Tim Duncan, eh? Ha, ha!

Let's see what's on the tube tonight. Ooh, an all-new "Frontline" -- NOT!

Here's the plan: Special Game 7 Edition hoops at St. John's tonight at 6:30. Towel off by 8:15. Then down to The Savoy with the fellows to watch the second half and drain a couple Premiums.

Boy, would you smell those lilacs? Mmm-mm!

For Our Records

So that we may serve you better, please take a moment to answer the following questions.

You sit down at your computer to see that you have sent an e-mail with the following message to your most important client:

ASKASDK 8888888888I.//,,, sdafsd
'sdaff sd'ihijav ,;,,,,,

You are:

a) Using a highly sophisticated encryption technology to communicate confidential information
b) Communicating via anagram
c) The father of a two-year-old

In playing back the reminders on your personal voice recorder, you discover that recording #6 consists of nothing but 12 minutes of ambient noise, briefly interrupted by sniffing sounds. You are:

a) Making an acoustic study of your home in preparation for an upcoming remodeling project
b) Recording the cat, so that you may remember the sound of your dear pet always
c) The father of a two-year-old

You pull back the shower curtain and find a grout brush and an ice cream scoop on the bottom of the tub. You are:

a) Planning to prepare a sundae for the plumber
b) Into some very kinky business
c) The father of a two-year-old

In performing routine maintenance on your car, the technician discovers bits of graham cracker in the fuel injector. You are:

a) Experimenting with grain-based alternative fuels
b) Hiding off-limits high-carb treats in the engine compartment
c) The father of a two-year-old

When you wake up on Saturday morning your first thought is of getting out of the house as quickly as possible. You are:

a) Headed for hoops at St. John's
b) The father of a two-year-old
c) All of the above

Thank you. The information you provide will be used to make our products and services even better.

Hoops at St. John's tomorrow -- 8:00 a.m., as usual. Please let me know if you will or will not be there. And remember: Next week we switch to Wednesday nights at 6:30. Mark your calendar for May 19.