The story as I understand it

I was sorry to hear this morning of the death of Maury Rostropovich. I was a little groggy—the alarm had just gone off—when news of the legendary maestro and TV talk-show host's passing came over the air, but the basic facts of his life were plain enough.

Rostropovich rose to fame in the 1950s after recording the Jell-O Suites, a collection of Baroque advertising jingles. Through his work in advertising he became friends with voice actor Don Messick. (Messick's familiar vocalization of "Rostro," the Jetson's dog, was said to be an affectionate nod to his pal.)

In the 1980s Rostropovich married Connie Chung, one half of the supergroup Wang Chung, leveraging his relationship with her to secure a lucrative recording contract. He earned international fame through numerous publicity stunts, such as performing at Carnegie Hall. His impromptu performance during the fall of the Berlin Wall was shown on television throughout the world.

According to the New York Times, Rostropovich was admitted to a Paris hospital at the end of January, but then decided to fly to Moscow, where he could receive superior care. The Kremlin said late Monday that President Vladimir Putin had visited the musician in the hospital, prompting speculation that Rostropovich was poisoned by the Russian leader.

Farewell, Maury. As Connie sang:

Across the nation, around the world
Everybody have fun tonight
A celebration so spread the word
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody wang chung tonight

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Please let me know if you will or will not be playing hoops at St. John's tomorrow. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual.

Going Nucular

My, what a busy week. I wasn't sure how I would choose one topic from the many I'd been keeping notes on. Then, as I was sitting down to write this week's post, someone sent the following. It tickled me so much I scrapped my other ideas.

No credit was given for authorship, so I'll just say thanks, Matt.

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New element discovered in D.C. area

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium."

Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 824 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 911.

These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol for Bushcronium will be W; tungsten will now be Tu.

Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming multiple isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, probably because it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

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Please let me know if you will or will not be playing hoops this weekend. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual.

Push it here, it bulges there

"Should we buy a Prius?" the Missus asked the other night. It was the same day I gleaned these facts from the Washington Post and Fortune:

• At its current price of $2.70, the price of a gallon of regular gasoline is less than it was (measured in constant dollars) in 1982.
• Oil companies make about 13 cents on a gallon of gas. The federal government makes 18.4 cents. Forty-nine states make more than oil companies do on every gallon. New York collects 42.4 cents a gallon.
• In 1971, non-OPEC countries had remaining proven oil reserves of 200 billion barrels. Over the next 33 years, those countries produced 460 billion barrels and had 209 billion remaining. (OPEC nations experienced similar results.) In 1979 President Jimmy Carter said that oil wells were "drying up all over the world."
• America produces about 25% of the 20.6 million barrels of oil it uses each day. The estimated yield of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge is 10.4 billion barrels. That of the field discovered in deep water off Louisiana is 15 billion barrels.
• When ExxonMobil announced earnings of $39.5 billion in 2006 Hillary Clinton said, "I want to take those profits [belonging to shareholders of which you are, statistically, probably one], and I want to put them . . . into a fund that will begin to fund alternative smart energy, alternatives and technologies that will begin to actually move us toward the direction of independence."
• Demand for ethanol—or perhaps demand for profits from the manufacture and sale of ethanol—has pushed the price of corn to $4 a bushel. Corn growers' total profits from 2007 could top $13 billion. (No word on whether Senator Clinton wants to "take" those profits.)
• The average price for a farmer to rent an acre of land in Martin County, Minnesota, has risen from $2,900 per acre in 2005 to $4,100 per acre today. Farm equipment prices have risen 20% since last fall.
• The rising price of corn used as animal feed (about half of all corn grown) has caused Campbell Soup, Hormel Foods, Smuckers, and Tyson to warn of higher food prices. The price of high-fructose corn syrup, of which the average American consumes 62.6 pounds annually (up from zero in 1966), has risen 53% in the last two years.
• A year ago, when corn was $2 a bushel and oil was $70 a barrel, ethanol plants averaged $1.06 in profit on every gallon of ethanol sold, or about eight times what oil companies earned for a gallon of gas. Now, with corn at $4 and oil at $60, they net about 3 cents.

What's my point? Do I think we should drill in the ANWR? No. Do I dislike Senator Clinton? Yes, but that's not important. Oil companies, environmentalists, and governments lie. Pick the lies you like best and choose your side. Just know the biggest lie of all is the notion of "energy independence."

It doesn't matter where you get it. It takes energy to make stuff go, to make stuff hot or cold, to make stuff light up. We need energy. Another definition of "need" is "to be dependent upon." In the economy, as in physics, there's no free lunch.

Will we buy a Prius? Maybe. Or an F-150. Haven't decided.

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Please let me know if you will or will not be expending energy at St. John's tomorrow. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual.

Go Aggies!

I have verified that the capital of Djibouti is in fact Djibouti. And the winner of the 2007 St. John's Hoops Al McGuire Memorial Final Four contest is . . .

Marty Michael!

A more deserving participant I cannot imagine. For his efforts Marty will receive a basketball autographed by the 2006-2007 Drexel Dragons men's basketball team, which was utterly shafted by the NCAA selection committee.

The SJH Final Four contest places disproportionate emphasis on picking the winner, although this year four entrants did so. However, Marty was the only person who correctly named Ohio State as the runner-up.

As a point of trivia, this is the first year yours truly has scored a goose egg in his own contest. In fact, it may be the first time anyone has blanked. Here are the final resuts:

8 - Marty Michael
6 - Andy Pearson
6 - Scott Skaro
5 - Michael Dowding
3 - Matt Thurber
3 - Dan Haase
2 - Bruce Holt
2 - Pat Odean
2 - Krall
2 - Matt Butts
2 - Steve Cerkvenik
2 - Jim Julian
2 - Bob Root
2 - Steve Naumann
2 - Steve Balza
2 - Audrey Schroeder
2 - Sam Kayser
1 - Griff
0 - Steve Yaeger

Thanks for playing. Please let me know if you will or will not be playing hoops at St. John's this weekend. We tip off at 8:00 a.m. Saturday, as usual.