No hoops July 28

Due to very low turnout there will be no hoops at St. John's on Saturday, July 28.

See you next weekend!

Pope Joins Local Pickup Game—and Scores 50!

I wanted to take exception to Wikipedia's characterization of the Weekly World News as "a mock tabloid newspaper." (After all, it is printed in tabloid format, or roughly 23.5 by 14.75 inches.) As a teen I gladly forked over my hard-earned cash for the WWN, usually when summer's boredom was especially acute or right before a road trip. ("Russian Scientists Reconstitute Hamburger Back into a Cow" caused my friend Bob to laugh himself to tears—somewhat dangerously, behind the wheel of a Ford Fairmont—during one drive to Bemidji.)

But now I'm a reasoning adult, nearly reconciled to the possible non-existence of Santa Claus and Superman. I read that beginning in 2004 the WWN itself began suggesting that "the reader should suspend disbelief for the sake of enjoyment." Hm.

Publisher American Media has decided to cease publication of the Weekly World News as of August 3. No reason was given, but Bob Greenberger, an editor with WWN, reports on his blog:

"[We were] shown into an office where we are told the Board of Directors has chosen to close Weekly World News. The reasons given make no sense. We're stunned and shell-shocked. We're to stay on through August 3, finishing the reprint issues and then we're done. A glorious, funny, odd publication, born in 1979, will go out with a whimper and all I can think is that something's going on that they're not telling us because it just doesn't make sense."

Bat Boy Lives, a compliation of the best [sic] of WWN, sits proudly on my shelf at home. In it, former editor Sal Ivone writes, "If someone calls me up and says their toaster is talking to them, I don't refer them to professional help, I say, 'Put the toaster on the phone'." That's the spirit that made me love the WWN.

The WWN once reported the story of a surgeon who re-attached a pair of "Siamese twins" (the WWN was never much for politically correct terminology), after they failed to pay their medical bill for the initial separation. It could happen. It could still happen, but now you won't read about it in the Weekly World News.

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Please let me know if you will or will not be playing hoops at St. John's tomorrow. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual. Bring a friend!

My daughter's first word was "meat"

Do you know where I can get her one of these?

They're not trying to hide anything

Why do you keep saying that?

Drinking the sand

A Mormon president? A woman? An African-American? Fuhgeddaboutit. The most controversial candidate, it turns out, may be the old goat with the hot wife.

It didn't take long for pundits to find something juicy—being merely unqualified is so deathly dull—for which to zing Fred Thompson. "Is America ready for the president with the trophy wife?" asks Susan Saulny in the New York Times.

I, for one, say "Yes!" I, for one, am ready for a president who perhaps drinks a little too much, who doesn't exercise as much as he should, and who, God bless him, has a sexy wife. Maybe even a little sumthin'-sumthin' on the side.

Gawd, I'm so tired of character. Blech. Gimme a candidate who cusses a bit too much, who has a hobby he spends too much money on (an old car would be cool, as would collecting comic books). Give me someone a little salty, earthy, crude even. Someone with warts and a temper, like LBJ. (An I.Q. above 80 and respect for the Constitution would also be welcome, but I don't want to get greedy.)

You know who would make a great candidate right now? Nixon. Now there was an agreeably stimulating politician. Intelligent, cunning, dirty, insecure. A terrible president, sure, but interesting.

By the way, did you see the best-ever Nixon document released this week? Following the National Archives recent takeover—and re-tooling—of the Richard Nixon Library, a flood of Nixon-related documents are coming out. The best is an 11-page memo—you read that right—to chief of staff H.R. Haldeman urging White House staffers to promote Nixon's "warmth." It is a must-read, and absolutely trumps any other 11-page memo you care to put it up against.

See? Colorful. That's what I'm talking about.

Lewis: People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.

President Shepherd: Lewis, we've had presidents who were beloved, who couldn't find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight. People don't drink the sand because they're thirsty. They drink the sand because they don't know the difference.

—The American President, 1995

The only colors you need to worry about tomorrow are white and black—the two sides of your reversible St. John's Hoops jersey. We tip off at 8:00 a.m. See you there.