Sticky Situation

Faithful readers will recall my complicated relationship with Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. and its subsidiary Sam's Club. Taken in by the latter's insidious combination of excellent, low-priced merchandise; clean, well-lit stores; and friendly, helpful staff, I was buffaloed into ponying up the $35 annual membership fee. Now I frequently stagger home weighed down by plus-sized products that would look more at home in a funhouse than in our panty.

This reality collided this morning with another, that of a 28-month-old loose in Yaeger Manor. The missus, who would quit Sam's Club but for her dependency on the 32-oz. Grade A maple syrup for $6.99, called with the following advice: Don't leave aforementioned 28-month-old alone with aforementioned syrup.

"You have syrup!" he shouted upstairs. In our house a shout of "You have..." followed by anything other than a pet name for a favorite toy is cause for alarm. (Code Red status is reserved for "fire estinwisher," "mecidine," and "your sister.")

I'm sure nothing makes the spirit of Sam Walton (R.I.P.) happier than knowing that somewhere right now a child is enjoying a pancake with a cup and a half of pure Grade A maple syrup. And that his mother used a half a roll of Bounty -- $6.99 for 12 rolls! -- to clean up the mess.

Reminder: No hoops tonight. We move to Saturday mornings at 8:00 a.m. beginning this Saturday, October 30. Let me know if you will or will not be playing.

Where is last week's post, "MVP: Schoenherr, who else?" I have no idea! I'm trying to recover it. I suspect one way or another the trail will lead to Bentonville.