Unplugged

Just got back from a week in Hawaii, where our condo had cable. I don't have cable TV at home. Or satellite. Rabbit ears, that's what I've got. See, I used to have a cable TV problem, and by "problem" I mean the same thing an alcoholic does when he talks about a drinking problem.

It started during my freshman year of college, when I lived at home, and my folks got me a year of cable TV (read: ESPN) for Christmas. I planted my behind on the couch and stayed there until approximately five years after graduating. Mind you, this was when cable TV meant ESPN, MTV, WGN, and TBS, years before ESPN Classic, the Food Network, and Paige Dawson.

When I got my own place I vowed to live cable-free. Things changed when I got married, though. The Missus couldn't stand how I jumped up in the middle of every show to fiddle with the antenna.

I called our local monopol-- er, provider and asked about the various packages available. Each time the operator would describe an offering I'd ask, "Do you have one that's less than that?" She worked her way down through Premium Plus, Premium, Enhanced Standard, Standard cable, and Basic Plus. Sensing her already paltry commission slipping away, she dispiritedly described Basic cable, just $9.95 per month.

Purely for sport I asked, "Do you have one that's less than that?"

I could tell she didn't want to answer. Finally, and flatly, she said "Yes." She told me about a package she was no doubt heavily discouraged from selling, a package the company was probably required by law to sell and that offered exactly what I was looking for: The broadcast channels, without the static, for five bucks a month.

"Basic Minus!" I said.

A few days later, after the installer left and I started flipping through the channels, I discovered that in addition to the broadcast channels we were also getting Turner Classic Movies and the Cartoon Network. For a few glorious months before we moved to a higher elevation I got the very package I would have designed if ordering channels a la carte had been an option.

But back to Hawaii. Boy, cable TV sure has changed. Lots of people SHOUTING and YELLING about stuff. Even ESPN seems to air mostly programs with two talking heads ARGUING about the day’s news.

It was Super Tuesday week, and seemingly every channel featured a roundtable of people shouting about the presidential primaries. One channel had a fellow I've since came to know as Glenn Beck. Arguing his candidate's merits he actually characterized John McCain with this red-faced claim: "John McCain is AGAINST THE BORDER." I turned off the TV and went to bed.

I still don't want cable in my house, but for different reasons.

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Please let me know if you will or will not be playing hoops at St. John's this weekend. We air at 8:00 a.m. Saturday, as usual.