Best if used by...

I have two friends—they're both on the mailing list—with opposing views on what constitutes "spoiled" food. If one awoke to find he'd left the milk on the counter all night he would simply put it back in the refrigerator. The other would dump the milk out and probably toss the eggs and the mayonnaise just to be safe.

The pork fried rice I ate for lunch sat out all day yesterday, so you can guess which school of thought I come from. I had occasion to reconsider my position when shortly after lunch I became, er, indisposed for a time. But the storm blew over quickly and I stand by my opinion that sell-by dates are merely a suggestion.

This day started with a reference to someone ingesting, or trying to ingest, something indescribable. Though I refused to take the gross-out bait a friend was dangling it did take me back to a seventh-grade summer's day when my friend Kenny and I decided to see what kind of strange brew would result from putting a little of everything in the kitchen into the blender. (Seventh grade: Too old for day care, too young for a summer job.) In went a dribble of every liquid, a pinch of every spice, a dollop of every colloid. After a brief standoff over the pitcher Kenny gamely took the first swig.

I captured the exact peak of the pharyngeal reflex with my Instamatic before Kenny spewed the liquid into the sink. I lost touch with Kenny years ago but I still treasure that snapshot. My own attempt ended the same way, and years later I can vividly recall the feeling of the little man who guards my stomach saying, "Uh-uh, not down here!" and ordering everything back. I have always felt it was the Liquid Smoke that put the whole concoction over the top. Perhaps it was expired.

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How's your shelf life? Haven't heard from several players for a while. (Dale? Unruh? Peter?) If you've still got the mojo come out to St. John's for hoops tomorrow. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual. Please let me know if you will or will not be there.