We get letters

Time to check the mailbag! These might be actual e-mails from actual readers.

Steve,

I clicked on one of the band links [in last week's post] and was surprised to see that the station doing this bracket is none other than Philly's own WMMR! A mainstay of my youth, mostly classic rock but not as creaky and repetitive as rival WYSP. I think they're more "hard rock" now, which explains some of the unlikely contenders (Incubus? Evanescence??).

Local loyalties would also explain how Bon Jovi beats R.E.M. Otherwise, there is no explanation. I am at a total loss to explain Genesis—80s Genesis!!—beating, well, anybody, let alone U2, arguably the most important band of the 80s. De gustibus non est disputandum. Of course, Led Zeppelin will win the whole thing, and should.

—Rob E., Richfield, Minn.

Dear Rob,

If San Diego played Connecticut 10 times, the Huskies would surely win nine games. The tenth is called an upset, and there's no reason it shouldn't happen with bands, too. Nine times out of ten I'd rather hear "Where the Streets Have No Name," but every once in a while, just at that moment, I really would rather hear "Follow You, Follow Me." Maybe even a little Mike and the Mechanics.

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Steve,

I'm sending a rebate request. Ten bucks. To a seemingly fictional place called Young America, Minnesota. So where the heck is Young America?

BTW, I'm not sure any $10 rebate is worth the effort. You're down $0.39 just for doing it, then it takes an inordinate amount of time to comply with the rules of the game (UPC symbol, cash register receipt). And then, those Young Americans, like my 16-month-old, who loses the UPC symbol under the desk causing me to search frantically for it, thus raising my blood pressure and causing me to need a drink (beer: $2.50), followed by loss of productivity (incalculable, as my productivity ebbs and flows as it is), and the cost of the envelope and ink. I may have just spent $300 bucks for this $10.

—Phil S., Oakland, Calif.

Dear Phil,

That's a hell of a run-on sentence. But to your question: Everyone who grew up on the northern plains knows exactly where Young America is. It's right next to Norwood. How do we know this? Because for years we sat by our radios on snowy mornings listening to WCCO's Boone and Erickson intone, "Norwood-Young America, two hours late, no morning kindergarten." If Norwood-Young America, about 100 miles due south of Lake Wobegon, wasn't closed due to snow then Twin Cities schools probably wouldn't be, either.

Norwood-Young America is fixed in a Twin Citian's mind—if not on an actual map—alongside Dassel-Cokato, Lonsdale, Green Isle, Lester Prairie and dozens of other towns. All, one hoped, CLOSED, as Charlie Boone would say with finality.

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Steve,

Details of "The Office" spinoff, from the same creative team, are being kept under wraps, but it will include some cast members, premiere after the Super Bowl, and then follow "The Office" on Thursdays in February.

—Tom K., Minneapolis, Minn.

Dear Tom,

Shark alert?

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Steve,

This morning I made some coffee and went to the refrigerator for some half-and-half. The "best if used by" date was March 10, so I thought I should smell it before pouring into the coffee. It was just turning sour, so I thought about it, but decided not to use it. If it had been for cereal, I might have used it—for that tangy flavor like sourdough bread.

Anyway, from March 10 to March 29 is 19 days, so, if you want to be on the safe side, you could probably go two weeks past the expiration date and you'd still be fine.

—Paul B., St. Paul, Minn.

Dear Paul,

On a related note, I ate lunch at Culver's the other day. I ordered a tuna melt. It came ice cold. When I sent it back the assistant manager told me they have to make them that way because "if you eat warm mayonnaise you could get sick."

"No you can't!" I thundered, loud enough that several diners looked over. I proceeded to challenge his misconception about the dangers of warm mayonnaise, explaining the difference between fresh mayo that's been heated and tainted mayo. "You put mayo on your hot hamburgers, don't you? You ever eat hot dish? It's a third warm mayo!" He held his ground, though, saying he had to do it by the book. "Fine, I said. Then change your menu. This is tuna salad on toast, not a tuna melt."

Still annoyed two hours after lunch I called the store manager. "I had a bizarre exchange with one of your employees today," I said.

"Was it about the tuna melt?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"I get more calls about that sandwich..."

The manager sympathized but said he'd have to keep making the tuna melts according to Culver's standards, which were no doubt put together with considerable input from the lawyers, but he agreed to buy me lunch next time I'm in.

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Dear Steve,

What's the definition of "boobdoggle"?

—Callan C., Austin, Tex.

Callan,

Thanks for asking. It's an all-expenses-paid trip to the cosmetic surgeon. During work hours.

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Dear Steve,

Hoops this weekend?

—A. Playah, St. Paul, Minn.

Dear Playah,

Wouldn't miss it. Saturday morning, 8:00 a.m., as usual. Please let me know if you will or will not be there.