We get letters

Time to check the mailbag! These might be actual e-mails from actual readers.

Dear Steve,

Remember when we had to pay Mom a quarter every time we said "shut up"? I think "WTF" must be worth at least $25.

I always put my sugar on after the milk. Check your facts before going to press.

—Kelly K., Inver Grove Heights, Minn.

Dear Kelly,

I received a similar comment from The Missus. To clarify: By "women in my life," I meant my other life.

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Dear Steve,

The other day, I found myself at a "MickeyDonalds" as my oldest calls them. Rather than order my standard fare, usually a burst-poop inducing Big 'n' Tasty meal, I opted for one of the new Angus burgers. Specifically the bacon and cheese option. I have to admit: I was impressed (considering the source), and I don't think I'm alone.

It certainly didn't outperform a burger from a quality joint, but as far as consumer-grade fast food goes, it was a damn tasty burger. The pickles were excellent, the bun felt like real bread-stuff, and the burger wasn't a barrel of suck.

—Tom K., St. Louis Park, Minn.

Dear Tom,

Al McGuire said the difference between a "joint" and a "dump" is that a joint got that way over time, while a dump was always that way.

I never order anything at McDonald's that I couldn't order in 1983. McChicken, McNuggets, Filet O'Fish, Big Mac, cheeseburger (single) and french fries make up the entire menu as far as I'm concerned. I tried a McDLT once in the late 1980s, which only solidified my feelings.

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Dear Steve,

I am now able to read your blog from my very own living room in the Middle Kingdom—that, along with the also heretofore banned Wikipedia.

—Audrey S., Shanghai, China

Dear Audrey,

Death to Communism! Long live Capitalism! Free Tibet! May the rights of the Individual forever triumph over the will of the Many! Moa had funny-looking hair!

Now, let's watch.

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Dear Steve,

No mention of Coach again this week? I'll never play until Coach gets mentioned!

—Matt T., Edina, Minn.

Dear Matt,

If the promise of getting you out of your wheelchair and back on the hardwood doesn't lure Coach out of retirement, nothing will.

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Dear Steve,

My wife and I just watched our first Blu-ray disc, "Mamma Mia." As the movie progressed, it became clear that Blu-ray is more than a slight step up from standard DVD—at least it is on our screen. I thought upconverted DVDs had a pretty good picture and sound, but Blu-ray delivers even better color, better detail, better sound—even if Pierce Brosnan is singing.

—Bruce H., Brookln Park, Minn.

Dear Bruce,

Sometimes when the VCR eats a VHS tape, I remove the five little screws that hold the cassette together, snip out the mangled tape, and splice it together with Scotch tape. At most you lose a few seconds of the movie.

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Dear Steve,

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

—Bob R., Stewartville, Minn.

Dear Bob,

On a related note, there is a great need for a Sarcasm font style to go along with Bold and Italic.

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Dear Steve,

I can't remember the exact line from "Apollo 13" but there is a point where they are about to do the re-entry into the earth atmosphere and there is a brief conversation about this being a moment of truth and it is implied either it will be a complete disaster or total greatness. Brad Childress is sitting in the spaceship right now and he is either going to come through this smelling like a rose or incinerating himself.

—Ian C., St. Paul, Minn.

Dear Ian,

I read the Vikings are going to pay Favre $25 million over two years, or roughly $100 per interception.

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Dear Steve,

I have a fever. And the only cure is . . . more mailbag!

—Michael D., Millis, Mass.

Michael,

Take two aspirin and meet me at St. John's in the morning. Let me know if you will or will be there.

WTF FTW!

WTF, fancy new TV? Why does this DVD look like crap? What does "480i" even mean?

WTF, Sonic Burger? This food sucks! I am totally disappointed with my first visit to your restaurant, and will never return.

WTF, Rob? Did your guests' obnoxious kid really pee in your shower? WTF?!?

WTF, Letterman? You told the same joke about Ruth Maddoff's gold teeth three nights in a row!

WTF, crazy lady at the town hall meeting comparing President Obama to Adolf Hitler? I wish I could send you back in time so you could live under the Nazis for a month. And I wish your name was Goldberg.

WTF, politicians? Why are you still holding town halls?

WTF, all the women in my life? I cannot believe you put the sugar on your Cheerios first, and then pour the milk. Don't you see that just washes all the sugar to the bottom of the bowl? Yet no matter how many times I point this out you still do it.

WTF, Brianno's Deli? This sloppy dago could feed three people.

WTF, every single guest that goes on "The Daily Show"? How can you not know Jon Stewart is going to make you look like an idiot? Do you seriously think you are going to be the first guest to get the better of him? You are idiots.

WTF, Brett Favre? Get a hobby.

WTF, newspaper? There are more ads for tires here than news. Why am I still paying for you? WTF, me?

WTF, Scotland? Why did you let that guy who blew up 400 people out of prison? Isn't a long, slow death in prison kind of a bonus? You should go on Jon Stewart and explain yourself.

WTF, Windows XP? I didn't tell you to download some stupid upgrade. So stop asking me if I prefer to restart now or later. I'm pretty busy.

WTF, guys? Are you playing hoops at St. John's tomorrow or not? Let me know. We tip off at 8:00 a.m.

Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for food

"There was a militia in Montana [in the 1990s] that said the government, in league with the New World Order, was devising and was going to implement a system in which human beings in the United States were going to be divided into seven classes. One of those classes would be people permanently put on life-support systems so their organs would be harvested for the children of the elites."

—Southern Poverty Law Center, in comments related to a report
detailing a resurgence in the white militia movement

The Obama administration, as has been well publicized, is moving ahead with plans to harvest your organs and sell them to China. Such a rapid expansion of gummint control hasn't occurred since, well, heck, since George W. Bush doubled the national debt (to $10 trillion, not counting unfunded liabilities of Social Security and Medicare), centralized education under No Child Left Behind, oversaw billions in giveaways to corrupt banks and ordered warrantless surveillance of U.S. citizens in contrdiction of the . . . the, uh . . . that one document or law or whatever.

So people are rightly pissed off, and are making a hell of a racket about it, especially at the "town hall" meetings politicians inexplicably keep holding. All the TV and radio and newspaper people are getting into the act, too, since they don't like it when anyone shouts louder than they do.

Against this backdrop, any item that contains a suggestion of fact-checkable truth and is presented with a measured tone stands out. Two from this week:

First, what with all the hysteria over Congress proposing sick people be sent to Canada to wait in line for botched surgeries performed with rusty fishing tackle, NPR decided to send an actual reporter to actual Canada and ask actual patients and medical professionals what the Canadian system is really like. How about that? Give a listen. I bet it's not what you think.

Second, a guy I'll call "some guy" was on a couple days later. He has no credentials whatsoever, being a mere "businessman," but he does have loads of common sense. He's written a thoughtful article about how we might approach improving the healthcare system. He points out that in the marketplace generally products get better and cheaper over time. (For example, DVD players, which 10 years ago were a luxury item and now can be had for $40 at the gas station.) Healthcare moves in the opposite direction: Service and outcomes get worse, yet the cost goes up. Why should this be? Listen to his interview. And you can turn your speakers up because he's not screaming.

Finally, on an unrelated note, Molly Ringwald had an elegy for John Hughes in the New York Times this week. Are you telling me you won't read that? Why do you hate America?

Let me know if you will or will not playing hoops at St. John's tomorrow. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual.