And lower the rims to seven feet. No, wait. Six.

Before I started playing organized basketball in fifth grade, I liked to try to implement my own rules. This drove Johnny Applebee and the other kids from the 200 block crazy. (Johnny's driveway had one of the only hoops for a couple blocks in either direction.) My favorite was the double-dribble exemption, i.e., any player (mostly me) who inadvertently picked up his dribble could begin dribbling without penalty. My persistent invocation of this rule drove the older boys from down the street crazy.

Of course I grew up and learned to play by the rules. But only because the citizenry refused to recognize my absolute authority. From correspondent Matt Thurber comes this:

In 2000, at the end of the Clinton administration, Madeleine Albright met with Kim Jong Il and gave him a basketball autographed by Michael Jordan. Turns out that North Korea is huge into the NBA. They even amended the rules as follows:

"In 1997, North Korea introduced its own scoring system, giving eight points to baskets made in the final two seconds. According to Pyongyang's official Chongnyonjunwie newspaper, dunks are three points, instead of the usual two, and one point is deducted for every free throw missed. Four points are given to shots made from more than 21 feet and to 3-pointers that hit the net without touching the rim."

I did a little research, and sure enough: North Korea promoted basketball heavily as part of the "Grow Tall Movement" during a famine in the mid-1990s. North Korean media claimed students who played basketball were 1.2 to 1.9 inches taller than those who played other sports. It said the game "activates hundreds of millions of brains cells per second" because players must continuously make quick decisions.

Now if you can't parlay that into a reason why you should be at St. John's Saturday morning instead of raking leaves, I can't help you. Your significant other is clearly playing by a different set of rules.

Do let me know if you will or will not be there this weekend. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual.