"One little slip and chomp! Chomp! Chomp!"

—Richie Cunningham

"Maybe he's suggesting Henry Winkler should have been on your list," the Missus helpfully offered.

No. Some clearly felt their sexuality threatened by last week's list, which I confidentaly posted "with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality," to quote George Costanza. But not this correspondent, whose wordless reply contained a single picture. Its message was unambiguous:


And so, my friends, with that clear signal that I have let you down I am stepping aside from my SJH blog responsibilities. This is a time for remorse, for reflection, and—if possible—redemption.

You have not heard the last of me. I feel I have much more to give. But now is a time to gather with family and friends, and think about the best way forward.

Oh, yeah: And let me know if you will or will not be at hoops this weekend. We tip off at St. John's at 8:00, as usual.

Gender equality

Are you nuts? Of course I got permission from the Missus before posting last week's highly controversial list of the 10 Sexiest Women. Provided I gave equal opportunity. Herewith is the list of the 10 Sexiest Men Not Me. (Note: I am obligated to disclose that this is my list, not hers.)

1. George Will
2. Hugh Grant. Any movie, any time. I am not ashamed of this.
3. Clooney. Kind of like Jordan being drafted third, isn't it?
4. Jim Rockford
5. Kevin from "This Old House"
   

Uh...

6. Clive Owen?
7. Pierce Brosnan, I guess
8. Billy Zane. Paul Bard once said he resembles me, so that makes sense.
9. Dr. J. Aging very well.
   

Boy this is hard. I better look at some web sites.

OK, NOT Russell Crowe.

10. Liam Neeson!

That's ten! Whew, I wasn't sure that was possible. Thanks, internet!

Let me know if you will or will not be playing hoops at St. John's tomorrow, you sexy thing. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual.

Next week: Correspondent Audrey Schroeder is just back from the DMZ. Yes, that DMZ. Full report to follow.

Her name is Erin Burnett

Here she is apologizing for calling President Bush a monkey.

Hat tip: Matt Thurber.

Forgive me, Katarina

You Commie goddess.

Forgive me, Tea (a chat transcript)

[18:07] terrygudim: I don't know if you're still there, but I just want to say:
[18:07] wordscapemgd: Yes?
[18:07] terrygudim: Wargames-era Ally Sheedy. I'm sending you my blog login so you can just take over.
[18:08] wordscapemgd: HA!!
[18:08] wordscapemgd: Thank you very much
[18:08] terrygudim: And Tea Leoni? How could I forget? Clearly #2 on ANY list.
[18:08] terrygudim: Thought about Mary Ann, but the recent mug shot spoiled it.
[18:08] wordscapemgd: I just didn't want people thinking I was digging Breakfast Club-style Ally with the whole dandruff-in-the-salad thing going on...
[18:08] terrygudim: And Belinda. God, sir. You date yourself, and yet your taste and brilliance are undeniable!
[18:08] wordscapemgd: A valid argument re: Mary Ann
[18:09] wordscapemgd: Belinda is special.
[18:09] wordscapemgd: I'll accept no argument there.
[18:09] terrygudim: BTW, thought you'd like to know: I'm off Saturday bank runs. :-(

You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve?

When I picked up a bottle of Nyquill for the Missus the other night I also grabbed her a copy of People magazine. (She reads it for the articles. And in her defense, she also reads Smithsonian and Fortune. Everyone gets dessert after their veggies.). I noticed it was the annual 50 Most Sexy Beautiful People issue. That inspired me. I have a blog. It follows that people everywhere want to know what I think about this subject.

Herewith, then, the SJH blog's list of the 10 Sexiest Women Not My Wife. As with all such lists, this is comprehensive, definitive, and authoritative. You know, until it gets updated, possibly several more times today.

1. Lauren Bacall. An unprecedented 64 straight years atop the list.
2. Kate Beckinsale
3. Amanda Plummer
4. Jo from Facts of Life. 1982 Jo, not present-day Jo. I don't know anything about her.
5. Cathy Wurzer
6. This one brunette on CNBC. I think she's on "Morning Joe," but I'm not sure. Not the dirty blonde, the one with real dark hair. Actually, she might be on MSNBC. Is that channel still around?
7. Ann Curry
8. Elle MacPherson. Lifetime achievement, really. Can't ever see her dropping off this list.
9. Betty and Veronica (tie)
10. The Saturday girl at the bank

Your results may vary. That's what blogs are for, so post away. And let me know if you will or will not be playing hoops tomorrow. We tip off at 8:00 a.m., as usual. Meanwhile, I may have some explaining to do about why I always make the deposit on Saturdays...

Comity of errors

To me, the most interesting writers are often the semi-literate, particularly if they are emotionally unbalanced. Listening to the poorly educated and ill-informed on, say, call-in radio (even public radio) is tiresome. But seeing some drop-out get hot-headed online or in print, where he or she is even more poorly equipped to use the tools at hand, can be amusing. Particularly if you are watching from the sidelines.

Case in point: This actual email exchange, forwarded to me by a source inside the NSA. Background: Both women are involved in the production of the school musical. Word has reached one that some fifth-grade girls were grabbing their crotches while rehearsing a number. The exchange start innocently enough, and stops just before Shelly seems about to violate Godwin’s law.

---

From: Karen
Date: May 3, 2008 2:04:00 PM PDT
To: Shelly
Subject: Show

Oh, and one more thing...

One of the people on the committee noticed that a couple of the girls were "grabbing their crotches" during their dance act. We need to eliminate that. This is a family show after all! :-) Hope you find this as entertaining as I did... This job is never boring!

See ya at school....

Thanks.

Karen

---

From: Shelly
Date: May 3, 2008 2:23:00 PM PDT
To: Karen
Subject: Re: Show

The dance act it self does not include grabbing crotches..they did wing about a minute off it, but that wasn't part of the show. The reason Nick is doing the music was to take a part out that would annoy people who believe in censorship. You could also tell Amy Warden and the parents that we heard her have a fit... so, we know it was her. Yes, as Amy called them the popular ones and they are the popular girls...if they were the popular cheerleader types no one would be making a deal...and by the way a lot those kids come to Tascha's parties, I do take all this time to make sure the bad words are taken out just so the "FAMILY SHOW PEOPLE'S KIDS" are the ones that "fill in the foul blanks" and this is a fact and I do have witnesses...so the comity doesn't have to worry they will behave, but I can't guarantee I will.

The song is Low...By, FLO RIDA. I know that you are only the messenger...but I am more then happy to get the hell out of new rochelle and fill very sorry for the ones who have to stay, this school has become and embarrassment and hate to see these kids when they have to face the real world not according to New Rochelle...you may ask me why this gets on my nerves and I will gladly explain it to all the members of the comity...it's not the first time this has been the issue but it didn't stop Shawna's Act where her kids with their hot shorts and thigh high boots flat on their back with their legs up in the air from performing...but that must be the American way, but my belly dancers a cultural act was WHAT! Shame on all who feel that this "double standard" is OK. SHAME!! If these were any other kids, it would not be a problem, and you and the comity knows that! I'm truly grossed out! Thanks..music will be there monday,

Shelly

---

Speaking of watching from the sidelines, please let me know if you will or will not be playing hoops at St. John’s this weekend. We tip off at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow, as usual.

Thanks to those who kicked in some cash per last week's email. Those of you who didn't, please think about giving a little to the St. John's summer basketball camp fund. Our way to say thanks for the use of the gym.

Give and go

Every couple years we have an opportunity to say thanks for all the floor time at St. John's. This summer the school is hosting two basketball camps in an effort to reach out to the neighborhood (and beyond). It would be a great gesture on the part of our gang to make a small donation to help offset the cost of advertising, t-shirts, supplies, and so forth.

Won't you please consider giving a few dollars to help us say thanks to the school? You can give cash or a check (made out to St. John Ev. Lutheran) to me or to Jim Julian.

And with that: We are playing tomorrow at 8:00 a.m., as usual. Please let me know if you will or will not be there.