All hail the blue and gold!

At last. Thank goodness you're here. We weren't sure how long we could wait. We're desperate. We didn't know where else to go. We won't stay long.

We know what you can do. You've done so much for other people! For our friends. We've been in their homes, seen the changes. They speak so highly of you.

Our needs? Where to start . . . ?

Our living room. It has no sconces! None. The wall behind our sofa is an embarrassing mélange of family photos unadorned by soft candlelight.

What's that? The Nostalgi wall sconce? With a powder-coated steel finish at just $4.99 each? Thank you. It's perfect. Just perfect!

I'm almost . . . embarrassed to say it. Our back issues of Forbes and Popular Science are just . . . they're just strewn everywhere! Stacked on end tables so . . . unstylishly.

The Kritsa magazine rack? A polypropylene basket and steel legs with an anti-corrosive phosphate coating? Only $9.99? It's . . . it's exactly what we need! I barely know -- -- how to thank you!

There is one other thing. As long as we're here. I . . . I'm not sure how to . . . It's rather . . . private. It's . . . our toilet brush. We bought it at . . . I can't . . . But I know I can tell you. We bought it at . . . the hardware store!

Oh, I knew you would! The Viren toilet brush! So stylish! So white! And just $0.79!

Oh, thank you! Thank you, Ikea!

We'll be back! We'll be back . . . soon.

Like other establishments across the Twin Cities, St. John's Hoops now offers convenient shuttle service between the gym and the new Ikea in Bloomington. The bus departs the gym tonight at 7:05, 7:50, and 8:35 p.m. If you can, try to slip in a few games between trips. We tip off at 6:30, as usual. Please let me know if you will be there.